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Why did the old guy wander off to Egypt?
He was going see-Nile.
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Why are people so horny in a brothel?
Because it's full of whore moans.
--------------------
Why should people who commit crimes avoid the alphabet?
Because they always 'RSTU' during it.
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What's the best way to get more liquid assets?
Rain checks.
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Why won't ever 9+2 kill you?
Because it's always a two-more after a be-nine.
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How much bigger is a baby frog than a pole?
Just a tad.
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I knew a guy who went to Fordam University, but he wasn't a very nice
guy?
why not?
Because every time someone asked him what school he went to, he'd
say
'FU'!
--------------------
Why did the dumb guy kep mailing insects to other countries?
He wanted to become an import-ant person.
---------------------
Why did the dumb guy think the alphabet played music?
Because it always has a 'CD' in it.
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Why can't you go online while sitting on the toilet?
Because it's always log-out time.
----------------------
There's only one side of you that I like.
Which one?
Your suicide.
--------------------
What did the cannibal order at the fast food place?
A kid meal.
What else?
A side salad.
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Why are scrotums always in a bad mood?
Because they're always next to a dick and an asshole.
-----------------
What kind of table do you eat?
A vegetable.
----------------
Why do Zs get mad?
Because the ones next to them are always being Ys.
----------------
Why did the W get an order of protection?
Because it was being constantly followed by an X.
----------------
What did the guy say to the other guy who told him that he had seeds
on his dick?
That's poppycock!
---------------
How did the battery die?
A terminal illness.
----------------
I wish I was a coin.
Why?
Because they alwasy either end up with some head or some tail.
----------------
Why does 10-1 seldom lose?
Because it's one off ten.
---------------
I asked this girl what's wrong with her, and she said 'nothin'.
Then I said well, you can always try and lose some weight.
--------------
Why do dogs make good doctors?
Because they enjoy doing cat scans.
--------------
Why are men bad at being on the bottom during sex?
Because it means they're always fucking up.
--------------
Why couldn't the spelling error give blood?
Because it was typo.
---------------
Why can't hockey players be secretaries?
They're not good at off-ice work.
---------------
How did king Tut become so rich?
Egypt people.
---------------
How are dead people like prostitutes?
They're both by the coroner.
--------------
Why couldn't the vegetable run away and get married?
It was a cantelope.
---------------
This girl I knew online was so stupid.
How stupid?
When someone asked her 'miss me?' she replied 'No, but I entered to
be Miss Nevada once'.
--------------
What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn mooer.
---------------
What's a transvestites favorite sport?
Drag racing.
--------------
Why is the alphabet bad at history?
It thinks 'BC' comes in 'AD'
---------------
Why did the gay guy get hit at the drive thru?
He ordered a fruit punch.
---------------
Why did the computer mouse break up with the mouse pad?
They just didn't click.
---------------
What state and city are most Americans living in?
The state of obesity.
-----------------
Why should you like the alphabet if you're an aspiring actor?
Because during it there's always 'U' inside the 'TV'.
------------------
Where do groups of penises go to live?
A condom-inium.
-------------------
What did the guy say when the sexy waitress asked him what kind
of dressing he wanted with his salad?
UNdressing.
--------------------
Why did the dumb guy keep kicking his computer over and over?
Someone told him to reboot it.
----------------------
Why didn't the dumb guy buy the guitar that was advertised at 90% off?
It said 'no strings attached'
---------------------
Why did the stipid guy bring a dead body with him onto the airplane?
Someone told him to bring 'carrion' luggage only.
------------------------
Why did the dumb guy go around telling women that they're flatter than
all the rest?
He heard that flattery helps to get women.
------------------------
Why couldn't Mr Ed talk anymore?
He had a horse throat.
------------------------
Why did the aspiring actor stand still holding tree branches in an
appliance store?
So he could become poplar and surrounded by fans.
-------------------------
Why are women such good drivers?
Because they drive me crazy all the time.
---------------------------
Why should you get a college student to handle your finances?
They are experts at bud-getting.
------------------------
Why did the dumb guy turn down Mr.s Peet after asking her who she is?
Because he thought she was A man...duh!
----------------------
How is a whore like a cat?
They both always want a cockatoo in their mouth all the time.
-----------------------
Why did the chef at the steak house get fired when people never showed
up for their food?
Because he kept making missed steaks.
-----------------------
Why did the dumb guy think he couldn't move his store to a new locaton?
Because it was a stationary store.
------------------------
Why did the dumb guy try to stab someone with his dick?
Beacuse he read the penis mightier than the sword.